............in a trice

As though it was existing in front my eyes, as though it was just within my reach, I saw it. I strived for it, I pined for it. It made itself visible to me, made me feel about it, as if I had owned it. I had a presentiment about reaching it. Even though it wasn't according to my pre-screened questionnaire in my bedaubed mind of streaming mindful or mindless thoughts(I wasn't sure if it was mindful, I give it a benefit of doubt here). How did I build it? Clueless absolutely. However, it was one of the best of all that I owned in my life till date. As if I did not need any roborant ever again in my life. What was it that made me so energetic, so blissful? A conflagration within myself, which never permitted me to stay calm. I questioned myself with a brio but all I could retrieve was a limpid rivulet of thoughts. Why was this? I was satiated, no....Neither complacent. Yet, unstable with a zeal of reaching it and acquiring it all my life. A possession I could cherish all my life. Something that I had yearned to call it my own for ages now. I tried earnestly to grab it and not let it go, but unsuccessful. I zestfully promised myself to allow it to stay with me. As much as I could descry out of it, I did. An experience of hardscrabble in a trice. I was in a state of turbid and restlessness yesterday, the day before, the day before that and the day before that as well. It was not refractory at all. Then why was it not simply castled within myself. I yearned for it again. It followed me as I continued. It appeared dark, but it was a true guide light for me. A sparkle of light it was. As I approached it, it put it arms around me and hugged me and said a word full of truth and clarity. Clear conscience it was. Yes, unburdened of the thought that I carried all this way. I did not name it, I thought of a nice name I could give it, but did not matter. I had a clear conscience that belonged to just me and I kept it clear in all phases of my life till date. I continue to do the same and make it the best ever. Doesn't prick me any more of any guilt nor of any burdens. I always learnt to be favoring truth under any situations and I do that what so ever. I discovered and was replenished again as though I got a second life. With a promise of pampering it always and keeping it as transparent as the ice cubes, I imbibed something which I learnt from my mom. This one's for you mom, had u not taught me to be bold and truthful, I would not have been so courageous today. You are just so impeccable, cognizant, understanding and magnanimous and mindful. I would want to give all the wonderful things in this world to you. But the best thing I can give you is my little conscience which has ingrained from you. A conscience of my own. It belonged to me after all. I hope you like it mom. I have no words to tell you anything more. All I realised was that it cannot be lost no matter what and I will keep it to myself protected all time. Not that it wasn't with me but its just an intermittent realization now and then.......in a trice